Max J. Potter’s Virtual Must-Do (s) for beginner girlfriends.
Check your Friendster, MS, FB, etc. profiles. Your status should say In a Relationship or Married (even if you’re not yet). It’s Complicated won’t do the trick, so be firm.
Check your About Me section. It should begin with something like, 24/7 girlfriend of ****, ****'s soulmate, his soulmate, loving **** or something of that format. REMEMBER: Never, OK never put anything else before you state that you’re a 24/7 girlfriend of your Significant Other. That’s of the utmost importance.
Under the Interest (s) section, put your Significant Other’s name with a heart after it. Put several hearts if you must emphasize. If you have a list of interests, make sure your Significant Other’s name comes first! REMEMBER: His name should repeatedly come up after you list one or two of your other interests. For example: My Significant Other, movies, gossips, My Significant Other, cosmetics, hanging out wif ma girls, My Significant Other, baby-Ts, dating, My Significant Other, and so on.
Keep your ShoutOut box frequently updated with soppy hints such as, Currently in LOVE, Missing you like crazy!!, Lonely without you or something along that line. Remember, it’s important so that the world knows. You’re a girlfriend of someone, that’s major news!
Your display name should consist of yours and his. A combo like YusFa or AnidAmer, for example. If your combo doesn’t sound good, try these: His Princess, His Angel, His Girlfriend. They work well for not-so-creative girlfriends.
Snap a billion pictures of both of you pressing your cheeks to each other (don’t mind his acne problem, the most important thing is that the world knows about your status as someone’s girlfriend!) and upload them up your profile under the albums In Love, Wif ma Love or anything that says that you two have something special. REMEMBER: Your primary picture should be the one in which your faces are practically glued to each other. Don’t bother saying you’re in a relationship if you don’t have one like that, like seriously.
Flood your Significant Other’s comments or testimonials section with song lyrics or sappy pictures that you could get from the ‘net. REMEMBER: It is important for your ID to keep appearing on his page, so that anyone who views it at any given time will know that you’re his girlfriend. So if you’re really out of ideas and having not enough time, a short but repetitive ‘I Love You’ or ‘I Miss You’ notes would have to do.
Come up with a blog. Everytime you go out together, snap a cheek-to-cheek picture, put it up your blog and spill EVERY detail of your date. Once in a while, write up a post that shows how thankful you are to be with him, or how special he is, or how much you miss him even though you date like so everyday! You could also re-post the entry of how you two got together in the first place. If he buys you flowers, write a whole entry about it. If he fetches you from your part-time job, write another whole entry about it. If it’s your seventh day of dating, that’s definitely an entry of its own! REMEMBER: Don’t put several events in one post. That’ll lessen the in-love aura of it. For the braver ones, you could come up with a blog in which you could co-write with your Significant Other. This blog is where you brag to the world only about the two of you. You may talk about other things as well, but keep them to the minimum, or just relate them to you anyway. REMEMBER: Apply steps 1, 2 and 3 to your blogger profile page.
Copy this somewhere and print it out as your reference. Tick the steps you’ve already done and you can breathe easy after all of them are marked because that means you’re officially a practicing girlfriend. Yay~! REMEMBER: It’s not easy to become the ideal girlfriend, so don’t feel bad if you’re taking longer than your friends to get everything ticked. The key is moderation.
Good luck!
***
Do you find this helpful?
And to the expert girlfriends, if you notice anything missing from this list, do drop a line in my comment box. I’ll include it into the post if it’s suitable. You’ll be given credit, don’t worry.
75 Patronus (s):
Nina,
are you serious about the list? If you are serious, sorry that I'm laughing while reading it. Have to admit I did have the display name thingy, but I didn't use it in blogger.
Pepper,
it's my hopeless attempt at being sarcastically sopan. how did i do?
Full of sarcasm. I bet your inbox will full of hate mails after this. :p
dosz,
it's awesome that you noticed them. i was afraid they wouldn't reach anybody out there. haha.
hatemails? i get them a lot. LOL.
All hail Max J. Potter!!! I second Dosz's comment. LOL.
BTW cikgu Nani, I admire this particular post. Seems like you're a good nature observer.
sir pok deng,
LOL. all hail? that's too much, sir. XD haha. but thanks for admiring it. i won't say i'm a good nature observer, tho, but thanks for that, too! i just suck at looking at things the way others do. i'm good at being different, yes.
Just posted a short entry dedicated to you.
sir pok deng,
have read it. will comment, soon. or maybe i should post one dedication for you up my blog, too. =)
seriously
don't u think too sappy?
muahaha
heheheh! the Miss Max I adore!
THANKS FOR THE HELPFUL TIPS.
I'LL DEFINITELY POST THINGS THAT ME AND MY DALING HUNNY DO TOGETHER IN BLOGGER AFTER THIS.
hahahahahahaha!
Oh, I'll upload tons of pictures too.
Sape yg provoke Miss Max nih?
hahahaha!
aryn,
what's too sappy?
Q,
it takes a genius to get me provoked, Q. and so far there are none. this is just something worth sharing: sappiness. haha.
Nina,
Phew, I'm relieved. Seems that you have the same sarcasm as my bestfriend have. LOL...good article. Love it!
pepper,
LOL. oh so you have a sarcastic friend? cool. i mean, it's cool that you know someone sarcastic. i have a friend who just doesn't get sarcasm. we always end up yelling at each other. hehe.
Haha! I have a few blogs in mind that have all those bits. Man, sedih gila when I read them. Dunno whether I should laugh or cry. Sometimes I laugh sampai nangis.
The funny thing is... When I wrote my post, one of these obsessive gfs got really angry and deleted me from her friends list before completely going berserk in a private message to me... Then a few months later I heard she broke up with her boyfriend, and the blog completely disappeared along with the relationship. *snort*
Oh yeah. Co-writing blog entries are so syok sendiri. Telling inside jokes with double meanings to each other in a public space is just rude. It's their blog, and what they write is up to them, but still. You can't deny that it's annoying as hell.
'So kenapa you baca?' says one annoying girlfriend. 'You tak suka, you jangan la baca!'
Yeah, darling. I baca cuz it's actually quite entertaining. Like watching a crappy soap opera. You know it's crap, but you watch it and have a lot of fun criticising it.
I wish more people would write snarky, witty and oh-so-true posts.
aisya,
haha. you got me laughing reading your comment. laugh sampai nangis? sensitif sungguh kamu ini terhadap lawak jenaka yg orang lain tak boleh comprehend. in that, kita sama.
true, sangat syok sendiri them co-written blogs. at least that's what they look like. lagi-lagi bila ada senda-gurau yg cuba memancing soalan-soalan kontroversi dari para pembaca yg somehow punyai kapasiti minda mau hargai perkara disgusting sebegitu. oh. sangat aneh, OK?
and yeah, i hop around and laugh at those kinda blogs too, sometimes. but most of the times i just hop away. XD
i wish more people would realize how tak best langsung they look when it's all public; girlfriend sapekah kamu itu.
pft.
Teacher Nani,
The main reason why I admire this particular post (besides its high level sarcasm like I always did with Falsafah PokDeng Blog) is the link to my history.
Got a girlfriend dumped me for a new man she met somewhere in her academic circle. You know, bitter kinda breakup, like Iraq wars and Persian military conflict combined.
Once she 'came' to visit me in my blog, for uncertain reasons, left me a comment all deep in her heart, to provoke me into a sudden outburst (that's because we were on WAR!).
She used her nicely combined nickname which was a combo of hers and her new ugly boyfriend. It was "TiffAnique". A nice caucasian name indeed.
Tiff = Latiff
Anique = Anik (spelt backward, it becomes Kina).
Well that was one the whole lot of things we quarreled one another. I just want to get rid her of my life while she pathetically wanted to know what I was doing.
Other points you wrote above were just DEJA VOO!!
You know, that 'practically glued' cheeks. Even though I never did that. She did!
What a heart-shattering moment.
(If she's reading this through her Google search string. I wanna say, Fuck your boyfriend. He smoke a lot!)
Yeah, sarcasm is cool, only when you know that person have it. My bestfriend, Jiyuu, always complain that people don't understand her sarcasm. Must be hard right to be sarcastic!
I love sarcasm.
penuh dgn sarkastik yang lawak macam sarkas da....
kaklong gelak bila baca ni.
part klaka masa suruh letak gambar tempek muka dengan ur GF or BF. kalo one of them ada masalah kulit muka yang serius for example jerawat batu, mmg sah2 rosak muka depa berdua.
org zaman skarang ni sukalah berkapel macam dah kawin. Papa Mama la....Mummy Daddy la.... Geli beta mendengarnya.
takpe...nnt long ikut tips ni and letak gambar long bertempek dengan tuuuuuut. hahahahaha
sir pok deng,
oh it pisses me off big time, people like that! people whom i'd love to get rid of because they hinted that they wanted to get rid of me who turned out to still be interested in what i'm doing with my life so happily without stinking them around.
so it was tiffanique. how nauseating. sorry. but it is. if it's awesome for you, i hope she no longer bothers you now.
aha, finally it's out. eff-you-see-kay your BF, indeed.
do you think she'll find this?
pepper,
haha. it turns on the heat when people simply miss my sarcasm. but so far mine is comprehensible. i keep getting hating hatemails these days, LOL. i like sarcasm. only when im not at the receiving end. hehe.
kak long,
tau pun. mama papa la, mummy daddy la. tu belum masuk dinda kanda intan payung gunung meletup segala, maunye terbakar konsep internet itu sendiri oleh kedurjanaan tingkah laku disgusting mereka itu. LOL.
wei. dgn siapa kamu mau menempek muka?
nak tau ke? dgn Jin Sejuta Alam. Dia lagi hensem dari segala jenis manusia yang menempekkan mukanya...
mwakakakakaka!!!!!
ala...kaklong dgn keksaih hati kaklong tak wat cam tu. kami berbahasa BETA (for me) and TUAN LAKSAMANA. romantik kan.... (wekkk!!)
kak long,
jin juto ale (sejuta alam)? oh kamu sgt provokatif! haha.
apa!!? beta dgn tuan laksamana? apa kamu mau aku muntah di blog sendiri, long? keji~!!
teringat la plak dekat Teganggo, Said, Samad,n Wak Yah. Huhu.
Hehehe~~~!!! Beta sendiri pun mau termuntah. mwakakakaka!!!
kak long,
dah mau termuntah tu mengapa ditulis juga perkara itu~?? geli sial (nada standard menghina keji-keji ayat gedik sesape pun di rumah ABS)~!
hoho.
hok palo licing rambuk takdok~!
Well, God willing she's gonna find this for sure.
Of course she's no longer bothering me somehow. Did some berani mati move to face his boyfriend in LCCT (we met by chance) a year a go just to shut the hell up or they might find this thing going worst.
Now that I found people who talked big was nothing but a pathetic rat.
Okay. I'm laughing hysterically at the comments.
I officially love you. I'm linking you up!
:D
luah2 dunio ni ado jugok oghe namo teganggo. gaduh nok gi mano teganggo~?
hahaha! teringat plak kat geng2 ABS. Semakin hari mereka semakin menghilangkan diri mereka. huhu!
to sir pok deng: i absolutely positively agree with u (the pathetic rat thinggy)
sir pok deng,
what berani mati move, man. sungguh macho sekali! haha.
you have her contacts? email add, phone? just send her the direct link to this post then. =) LOL.
hey. i talk big, too~!! *frowns*
aisya,
will add you up, too. *urut belakang kamu* aduh, sudah histerikal sister ku ini. XD thanks, for officially loving me. will work on officially loving you, too!
kak long,
ABS sibuk ah. takde mase. tapi kira OK la ni, long. boleh chatting lg ni ha kat blog cikgu nani yg nakal, LOL.
oh damn did you just agree with sir pok deng!? kamu ada dendam peribadi dengan aku kah, long? i'm a big talker, probably the only one you've ever known!! and now you're agreeing to such statement!?
adoi.. thank goodness my status is engaged, and x pernah upload his photo anywhere. sori la mau kongsi tunang sendiri dengan seantero dunia web. haha.
nani, i'm used to all these craps, these papa mama and cheek2cheek pics (geli!). tapi, yg paling x boleh terima, bila waktu solat jumaat, ramai yg berpegang tgn dating x igt dunia. yg paling best kalau yg perempuannya bertudung litup.
bongok! solat jumaat sekali smggu pun x buat. pelik bila x rasa malu pasangan x solat jumaat. penat je buat sopan santun ayu bertudung. meluat betul!
kak imm,
ya. siapa yg sungguh terpesong skali format akalnya mau kongsi tunang sendiri dgn strangers di web yg mmg tak ada jaminan keselamatan ni?
oh, isu dating masa solat jumaat ni sgtlah pemandangan yg biasa tapi menyakitkan mata tau, kak imm. entah mana mereka itu semua parking otak, nani tak ingin nak tau. yang pastinya mereka lupa nk ambik balik.
sebab itu pertimbangannya singkat amat. pakai tudung buat tutup kepala, pointless saja kalau isinya tiada!
nani pun menyampah~
first thing appeared in my mind, is it for real? do I have to do all this? but then, just realised that it's only a sarcasm talk. lol! n I'm really love this entry. Feel like asking all my friends to read this entry so that they will realised the limitation while there's just a 'couple' without any bond between them.
noin,
haha. please do. ask them to read this and see how they react. i'd love to know. =) thanks for liking this. hehe.
Lepas habis baca post nie, sy just ternganga, xtau nak komen ape + lambat tangkap. Haha... As a new reader, i'm shocked reading this post because I never read any of your sarcasm post before. I was also thinking the same way noin does. LOL!
jai,
oh. ada rupanya org yg lambat tangkap post ni. LOL. its OK, its OK. i guess you're not one to practise sracasm in life. hehe. shocked, huh? awesome. and since you were thinking along noin's idea, i suggest you ask your friends (yang relevan saja) to read this. then ask them to react to this directly, not through you. i'm anticipating. =)
hmmm....
of course full of sarcasm... as expected in ginny. however, as the saying goes "sape makan padi, die yg rase pedas.." i do feel a tiny bit of the tempias.. but i'm sharing a blog space wit my wife, since our engagement days.. its not at all sappy and lovey doey.. its just a method so that we can keep in touch while being over 700km apart... and i am in the process of dedicating a blog for my future descendant... is that too sappy for you? anyway, im sure its not intended for such a situation.
in a way, i enjoyed reading it too.. seeing the very familiar phenomena n fb and friendsters nowadays..
faez najmuddin,
not sappy; a blog dedicated for someone meaningful. not sappy, too; a blog space shared with a loved one with whom a real relationship is shared.
it's cool that you enjoyed it. it's everywhere! i just thought i'd write it down. and so it's here.
I lied. I was once glued my cheek with my girlfriend before we say goodbye to each other at the airport. That was long time ago. Proudly telly all the commentators here that I didn't post billion of pictures of that glued cheeks in the social network thingy.
I wanna be like Faez Najmudin.
correction: ... proudly telling ...
sir pok deng,
ah. OK. what made you point that out; the fact that you lied?
salam.
ola kak nani~ it's been a while. ^^
Seriously i looked at the blog's URL few times while reading this entry. and after half-way of reading then only i realize "perli ni~~"
haha. but i lyke it. its is sooo kak nani. ^^
azeem,
kamu pun lambat juga realize kesinisan post ni? Oh. kamu mesti dari kalangan org yg tidak mean terhadap org sekeliling.
yeap.
sooo kak nani, kan?
*^^*
Ah...This explains a lot! No wonder I can't keep a boyfriend. *gasps in horror of the realization, recovers, then frantically starts copying and printing the list to paste on bedroom wall for future reference*
This list shall be my new Commandment.
Nina,
Jiyuu, that's my bestfriend...Jiyuu and her sarcasm...
jiyuu,
welcome. haha. your new Commandment? now that's cool. LOL. will visit you, soon.
pepper,
ahaha. i can see that. *winks*
hmmm...hehehe...tak tau nak gelak or what for this entri. sooo...sarcatic. huhuhu. tak terasa coz i'm not that type of GF.
qistory,
haha. laugh if you would for all i care. tiada siapa suruh sesapa makan cili. jika terpedas, salah sendiri. but it's kool since you're not hit. you're awesome. =)
way to go nina!! hahaha.... love this post...
martha,
long time no see. how are you doing? and thanks for loving this. =)
Yep. The fact that i accidentally lied to u about that gluing cheeks. I tried my best to rekindle all the memories long dormant and that gluing cheeks happened!
In fact, lying is the utmost thing i hate (eg. being cheated on). So i dont wanna lie even though being a man like me, lying might just a normal thing i would do, like a man can be. Lying women are unacceptable. Lying man, yes. Oh yes, double standard kind of thing.
sir pok deng,
yeah that's freaking double standard - lying women being unacceptable and lying men is just normal. but then again, it seems so that the world is made that way, by both sexes..not God.
and personally, i don't think lying from any side is acceptable. i hate watching girls cheating. i hate watching men cheating, too.
menipu itu tak best. guilt yg kemudiannya datang pasti dlm gandaan berjuta. bebannya tak terbayang. kerana itu saja nani takkan mau jadi penipu. takkan mau menanggung bencana yg memangnya boleh dielak dgn protected peribadi.
*^^*
sir pok deng, bukan kamu saja yang benci ditipu.
Is this Teacher Nani??
Hey im ♥in your post!Ive actually done all those things in the past..childish right?sgt Overportective with my former bfs hehe...but yeah it's really annoying actually..there should be limitations in a relationship..Funny whenever I teringat time tgh bongok bcinte...then,break juga...dah kecoh satu dunia psl bf pastu break..haha!im that stupid dulu laa..but not anymore..still in a relationship but my status is "single"..no more pics of lovey dovey in an annoying way in public =p boleh jage saham at the same time haha!
Oh yeah, there's one more thing that's missing in ur post Miss.."Add all females in your bf's friends' list"..lol~
Hehehe, jangankan nak letak picz berlaga pipi, pics berdua2an pon takde. Ok, ada satu, tp duduk jauh2! Hahaha.
He's not my hubby yet..belum lagi. Jangan over.
I love this entry! =D=D
maddy,
this is Teacher Nani. you sound like you know me. or maybe you've heard of me somewhere (oh me and my perasan famous self). i guess i'm just notorious for the crazy things i've written. XD
right. so you have done all those things in the past. now no more. good for you. people learn, maddy. and life's a tough school no one's excused from attending. worst, it's the one of a kind school in which the exams come first, and the lessons later. *sweatdrop*
so your exams were relationships in which you felt insecure. your lessons were the break-ups and the pain after it. but result is surely a better you. happy for you, mate. =)
aha. in a relationship and stating single. kool. jaga saham indeed. LOL.
OK, adding up all the females in your BFs friends' list. ROTF. will try to fit that in. thanks. hehe.
Nonoi,
not your hubby yet. betul. janganlah infected pula format akal waras mu dgn tindakan yang mengundang keji sebegitu, yeah? sgt full of disrespect selain juga rude teramat! LOL.
and as much as your or any other commenters love this post, i believe i love it best. =) thanks.
owh nani..terkrjut akak..ingatkan nani dah terpesong dari landasan...
baca sampai last...owh..
as usual..u a brilliant!!
kak inna,
haha. terpesong dari landasan? i have to be a train first for that to happen, LOL. brilliant? overstated, kak. but nevertheless, thank you!
Why Miss we're connected in fster hehe..I remember you once msg me giving me the definition of the word fidelity..but actually I wasnt really asking the definition of it in my shoutout..it was just a metaphor anyway hehe..
I love your posts..including the older ones..It made me realize few things..made me think deeper on how Ive lived my life all this while...will keep following your blog and see if it could change me..in a good way of coz =)
maddy,
fidelity? hm. i think i do remember you. ah. of course you weren't. =) it's just impossible that anyone could have missed the existence of dictionaries. it was you + him-related question, wasnt it?
it'd be rude to simply ask of the matter, so i sent that, out of the simplicity of showing that nobody is alone in the world, and that some things are better left unasked.
oh, you love my posts? my. i'm flattered right there, LOL. man i'm honored, tho i dont know how my insanely offensive ramblings could change anyone in a good way, but good luck to all of us on that. *^^*
"Snap a billion pictures of both of you pressing your cheeks to each other" - man, i LOL hard on this one. right spot on.
mazaziman,
ahaha. i was laughing when i was typing that, too. =) LOL.
Yes, my new Commandment. Now to find a Sucker to practice it on. Any volunteers?
Pepper,
Just noticed the discussion on sarcasm. Now I feel an immense pressure to live up to my reputation. But thank you for loving sarcasm. That's why you're my best friend.
kyaaa~~
harap maaf la.
sjak smpai uia, beta SANGAT banyak kerja shinee-ing pelru d buat dan langsung x smpat login blog XD!
ini, fina sudah baca d rumah.
spt baisa, sgt sinis.
kepada para GFs yg melakukan perkara2 ini, pasti lah mereka kecil hati. tipu la kalau kata mereka x terasa. kalau mrk x terasa, mungkin mereka robot.
owh, robot mana boleh jadi gfs.
eh, apa yg sy merepek ini.
overall comment :
sy sgt suka post ini!
sy x terasa hati krn sy x buat semua yg d nyatakan XD
haha
jiyuu,
ahaha, volunteers? LOL. i hope you get one. these are good stuff. *ROTF*
adinda,
oh setakat ini belum ada yg berkecil hati (jika dilihat pada komen2, makhluk pathetic sebegitu tidak menempelkan muka di sini). mungkin juga mereka tidak tahu wujudnya list awesome ini. hehe.
thank you kerana suka~!! and thank you kerana tak buat! LOL.
hahaha ... seriously sis, you made me laugh like hell after reading your entry ... it's like How to be A GF for Idiots kinda style ... really like the way you "educate" them ... big round of applause to you, sis :D
aamir,
i had a good laugh writing it down. =) glad you laughed reading it. XD well. not all things come natural to us. some, has to be taught. LOL.
I couldnt help laughing at 'put your Significant Other’s name with a heart after it'!! lol very creative la kak nani..
giler sarcastic ah!
or
giler KAK NANI AH!
This post needs 'sebar-ing'..
ps: make another one like this..
Sarcastically polite..(i just created this..hmm?)
jasmine,
oho, gile kak nani ah, it looks like. i can't help laughing at your comment! XD
needs sebar-ing? you do that. we'll see how things turn out afterwards. =)
i'll see to it; coming up with something else that sounds like this. LOL.
hah! can't help laughing.
*jangan lupa letak paling top dalam "top friends" list kt myspace!*
e-zul,
oh ye. that too! LOL.
Hi there.
This post is awesome. I am sick of the lovey-dovey lovebirds too.
You forgot one : "Must wear the same shade/outfits every single day. Like, Monday - White, Tuesday - Purple..."
I observed this happening in my class. Its so nauseating. Please, like they are the only people in a relationship.
P/s - Can I copy paste this on my blog? I'll link it back to you. Thanks!
azie,
hey there. aha, sick of 'em. awesome. you're not alone. LOL. wearing the same color can be included in the co-written blog they're writing together. haha. sure you can. =) yes, link back to me of course.
hahaha
sarcastic as always...
some are true though..
kamal,
all of them. are true. pft.
Haha, this is the entry you want me to comment last time. sorry lambat sket.. bz.
btw, what's up with the friendster info? it doesn't work for you. its normal for a girl to show and express her emotions through frenster, facebook and blogs. try me. i still remain single, because i believe in single, married and divorce. no need to put in a relationship. wat jatuh saham je. haha..
adlan,
its normal. mmg pun. dlm seratus GFs, takkan terjumpa wpun seorang yg tak buat benda2 meaningless mcm tu. i dont have to try you anything. i believe in no such relationship jugak.
i just hope you didn't miss the point of the post.
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